What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 09:37
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
Colorado confirms 3 more infections in airport-linked measles outbreak - CIDRAP
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Was to survive, this bastard.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She married twice! .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Channel Island pharmacists confirm digestion drug shortage - BBC
(And it was in our own minds.)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was seconnd youngest,
This is soul school!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Will norovirus surge early again this year? CDC urges tracking of new strain. - CBS News
I waited trembling.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why do people stop working towards achieving their dreams?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Patti LuPone stuns Broadway as The Apologizer - AV Club
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I said to her
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Alan Turing's iconic paper on a 'universal computing machine' goes up for auction - Live Science
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Decker manhunt: Officials reopen Icicle River area - KING5.com
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why do I sweat so much after shower?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I think the readers, may guess!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why do North Indians, living in Bangalore, not bother to learn Kannada?
She wouldn,t have been !
Comes on , in middle age.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Put me off passion for life!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He knew the spot.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We all went to grammer schools
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When she asked me how she looked .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Would this be the day?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Ive learnt so much.
I was scared of men, in general
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She loved him until the end.
What did i know ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My family never makes their pension either.
And i lived it daily.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I will be 64.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I couldn’t, believe it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Especially a lifetime of it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My life is so biszare .
All the time i was locked up.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Who then, do I blame.?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I could never make a relationship work though!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She was in good health!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I have no regrets .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It was going to be , some day.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But ive been too sick for many years..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But it wasn’t much.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We were not on the streets..
Im still living with it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She found it foreign!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I don,t even have a pension.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.